world_of_homestuckfandomcom-20200214-history
021515doirlily
12:25 GT: Lily walks up to Doir, holding a virulently pink beverage in one hand. "Yo, how many fingers am I holding up?" 12:25 GT: "Answer for science." 12:26 GA: "four" 12:26 GA: "wait are we counting thumb as a finger" 12:26 GT: "No." 12:27 GA: "same answer then" 12:03 GT: Lily takes out a notepad and a golf pencil and scribbles something inside. "Okey doke, that's Mavico Number 2 tested. Now I just need to hunt down Dick." 12:04 GA: "what are you up to, lilbit?" 12:05 GT: "Testing alcohol tolerance." She smacks her forehead. "Oh shit, I'm an idiot. Why am I asking MAVICOS when I'm part BALISH now." She begins furiously scribbling. "Quick, help me come up with a way to get Darmok roaring drunk." 12:05 GA: "why?" 12:06 GA: "both humans and trolls can get drunk. i've already done the testing." 12:06 GT: "Yeah, but, like..." She frowns. "OK, what's usually the max number of drinks a troll can take?" 12:07 GA: "usually more than humans, as they seem to generally have higher physiques." 12:07 GA: "glissa survived for a while as a head" 12:07 GT: "I need, like, an exact number." 12:07 GA: "why" 12:07 GT: "Number." 12:08 GA: "are you trying to get your troll friends drunk" 12:08 GA: "erisio told me you bought him his third or fourth drink. thats not very responsible of you." 12:08 GT: "OK, see, that was for science. I like to be thorough with my methodology." 12:09 GA: "peoples well being is more important than science sometimes, lils" 12:09 GA: "why are you asking weird questions?" 12:09 GT: Lily sighs. "OK, look, Imma be straight with you, this is like the 16th drink I've had this evening and I'm not even slurring and I'm trying to figure out if that's normal." 12:10 GT: "Approximately the 16th, anyway. Didn't start counting until the 7th or so." 12:10 GA: "so your first instinct is to question the troll or human half of you, and not. yknow. the twink half." 12:10 GA: "didnt think to look over at acenia, who i just watched gulp down like her twentieth with no ill effect" 12:11 GA: "cmon kiddo, you gotta be sleuthier than that" 12:11 GT: "Oh shit, really? Chalk another one up to weird alien biology, I guess." 12:11 GT: "Haha, oh man, I could totally go into drinking contests with this." 12:12 GA: "i could probably win a buncha drinking contests too. mavicos are likewise pretty hardy when it comes to our drinks." 12:12 GA: "im on like, uh." Dina looks at the everclear bottle in her hand. "some amount of shots now?" 12:13 GT: "That's the really fucking strong stuff, right?" She motions. "Hand 'er over." 12:13 GA: She obliges. "sure thing." 12:14 GA: "whats the point, though? you already established you cant get drunk, like, captain america" 12:14 GT: "Dude, this means I can taste literally every alcohol known to man and not feel any ill effects though." She grins wildly. "I could CHUG this entire thing if I wanted to!" 12:15 GA: "i made this out of napalm. even if your liver can process it, i think your insides might burn up." 12:16 GA: "im only risking it cause im immortal. and i guess five years of using it as my morning coffee's built up a bit of a tolerance." 12:16 GT: "Jesus Christ, that's metal as fuck. Sort of." 12:16 GA: "heh, yeah. i had fun on the ark." 12:17 GA: "i dont even think anybody noticed lmao" 12:18 GA: "samis drunksleeping on the roof" 12:18 GA: "its hilarious" 12:19 GA: "shit. i coulda said boozesnoozing. fuck. can we start over." 12:19 GT: "Oh my God. Tell me she's still got her shoes on." 12:19 GA: "yeah, she did." 12:19 GA: "shes tryna sleep it off so that she can properly get info out of some npc she befriended" 12:19 GT: She fistpumps. "Yessssssssssss." 12:20 GT: "Dude dude dude. Do you have a magic marker." 12:20 GT: "Or anything staining." 12:20 GA: Dina takes out a sharpie. 12:20 GA: And a bottle of whipped cream. 12:20 GT: "Have I ever mentioned you are the best dad ever." 12:20 GA: "i cant believe i didnt think of this earlier" 12:21 GA: Dina leads her outside. "ok this way cmon" 12:21 GT: "Holy shit yes OK we must be STEALTHY though." 12:22 GA: "ok. ok wait. im in like, fullbody armor. i need to go change." 12:22 GA: She comes back out in a tshirt and shorts, wings just kind of jutting out of some holes ripped on the back. "alright i guess ill just like, carry you up. youre only like five feet tall." 12:24 GA: "we're gonna get her so good lmao" 12:25 GA: She picks Lily up bride style and lifts her to the roof. "so good. omg." 12:25 GT: "Oh Jack, I feel like I'm flying," she says flatly. 12:26 GA: "shhhhh." Dina puts her down and points to the sleeping Sami. 12:26 GA: And gives Lily the whipped cream. 12:27 GT: "Wait wait wait OK." Stifling giggles, she begins drawing an outline around Sami with the whipped cream similar to the outlines made around a body at a crime scene. 12:28 GA: Dina gets to work drawing dicks on the ground near the whipped cream. 12:30 GA: She then puts a dunce cap on Sami, places a few empty wine and everclear bottles nearby, and a banjo. 12:31 GT: "Oh my God this is the best." 12:31 GT: "THE BEST." 12:31 GA: Dina whispers, "(shes gonna think she got in a rodeo. heheheheheh.)" 12:32 GA: She takes out a razor blade. "(lets shave her hair off.)" 12:33 GT: "(Oh my God dude no she'll KILL us.)" 12:33 GA: "(dude. but. imagine. )" 12:33 GA: "(itd be worth it, man. worth it.)" 12:34 GT: "(Dude. No. Not risking it, ESPECIALLY not with the Horntaker.)" 12:34 GT: She looks pale. "(She'll take my horns. They're still virgins.)" 12:35 GA: "(buzzkill. alright, ive got a better idea.)" She takes out the wig of the justiciar, which happens to be the same color as Sami's hair, and starts cutting it up. Then, she leaves the razor blade on the ground nearby. 12:36 GT: "(Oh, that is DEVIOUS.)" 12:37 GA: "(and shes got a not-date, so we cant draw on her face, but...)" She takes out a handheld mirror, and draws dicks all over it. "(see, sami has real bad eyesight. she wont even notice that the dicks are drawn on the mirror rather than on her.)" She tucks it neatly by the razor. 12:38 GT: "(God damn it, and just when I thought I would finally be able to take the title of Pranking Master from you. Why'd you have to go and be good at pranks in BOTH universes.)" 12:39 GA: "(shh, im not out of tricks yet.)" Dina takes out a bowl, she pours some warm, old water bottle water in it, and sticks Sami's hand in. 12:41 GA: She also sticks some whipped cream on Sami's other hand. 12:42 GA: "(oh my god. oh my god. wait. i just had an even greater idea.)" 12:43 GA: Dina pulls out a skull which looks real, and tucks it in next to Sami. "(see its my skull. itd be better if my face was still on it but that rotted away a while ago.)" 12:46 GT: "(Dude, you think that might be going too far?)" Lily looks a little worried now. 12:47 GA: "(hmm. yeah, i mean, i like my skull, and i could reenact some sick plays with it.)" 12:47 GA: "(but thisll also be HILARIOUS like cmon)" 12:48 GA: "(heh, i remember the first time i woke up in bed with a skull. what a time.)" 12:48 GT: "(No, but I mean, Sami's been through a lot. Like, what if she actually thinks she killed you?)" 12:48 GT: "(I mean, I guess that's the point, but still.)" 12:49 GA: "(what? you cant tell its me from just the skull.)" 12:49 GT: "(Ahh, fair enough. Aight, let's do it. I totally called it if she freaks, though.)" 12:50 GA: "(wait)" 12:50 GA: "(no)" 12:50 GA: "(this is terrible. we're awful, oh my god, she's just going to wake up and cry.)" 12:51 GA: She hastily captchalogues the bowl and starts picking up bottles. "(good thing mythbusters busted the warm water hand thing.)" 12:51 GT: "Keep the whipped cream outline. And the dicks.") 12:51 GA: She takes the skull and razor too. "(okay, but im writing a sorry note.)" 12:52 GT: "(Pppbbpbpbpblbblblbl. You'd better not put my name on there.)" 12:54 GA: After a bit of scribbling on the floor, Dina stands up. "(ok. 'dear sami, sorry for the mess. lily and i (doir) were like 'we should prank sami' and so we came up and im so sorry this was a terrible idea please dont cry we didnt draw on you or cut your hair its fake hair also sorry if you peed yourself.')" 12:55 GT: "(You put my name on there.)" 12:55 GA: "(you said that after id written it)" 12:55 GT: "(OK well rewrite it then.)" 12:56 GA: Dina hastily crosses out Lily and writes 'just doir nvm'. 12:57 GT: "(Wow, how incredibly convincing.)" 12:57 GA: "(what do you want from me im drunk and regretful)" 12:57 GA: "(also it was completely your idea)" 12:59 GT: "(Hey, you went along with it.)" 01:00 GA: "(im drunk! id probably help you burn the building down if you asked.)" 01:01 GT: "(Dude, I tried getting Erisio to help me with that, but he wasn't buzzed enough.)" 01:02 GA: "(heheh, rea- no, not funny. im disappointed in you, but mostly me right now.)" 01:05 GT: "(You're becoming a daaaaaaaaaaaaad)" Lily pouts. "(The dadliest of dads and it is BO-RING.)" 01:06 GA: "(excuse me for wanting to be a good friend and failing when i uh, i fail.)" 01:06 GA: "(and how am i even remotely dadly? i just helped you prank our friend! and i'm like, a year older than you!)" 01:07 GA: "(also, a magical girl right now! dads arent magical girls, theyre magical boys. like tuxedo mask.)" 01:08 GT: "(Yeah, but you're being all 'daughter i am very disappointed in you' and 'this isn't morally RIGHT to prank someone like this' and come ON, that's totaly dadly.)" 01:08 GA: "(well thats just like, your opinion man)" 01:10 GA: "(screw the angst about not wanting to grow up and be a boring character, someone in this clan has to be an adult at some point!)" 01:10 GT: "(We've got TONS of adults, dude. Erisio's practically one already, the buzzkill.)" 01:11 GA: "BUT IM THE- (er, but im the dad here!)" 01:12 GT: She raises her hands up. "(Well, I mean, if you're so determined to be the dad, then you go right ahead.)" 01:15 GA: "(look, at least im not, yknow, like, the overprotective dad thinly veiling his misogyny and will to strip you of your agency! im a good dad, like a fun one who lets you do whatever as long as you arent hurting your FRIENDS FEELINGS like we are to sami!)" 01:22 GT: "Look, WHATEVER," she snaps. "It's a fucking PRANK. What's gonna happen? She'll freak out a bit and then recover because, again, it's a PRANK and not a goddamn setup. And need I remind you YOU were the one who came up with HALF THE FUCKING IDEAS. All I did was draw that stupid outline!" 01:23 GA: "oh my god you talked so loud just then. is she awake? holy crap she isnt. okay, um, like, but, sami once didnt cry for like three years. and then i made her cry by accident. and that keeps happening? so i dont want to." 01:23 GA: "and i know i came up with like all of them. its my fault. i know." 01:27 GT: She begins pacing back and forth, running a hand over where her hair would be. "Ugh, just...fucking FINE. GREAT." She sighs. "Let's go back down or whatever. This isn't even worth it, FUCKING WORTH IT ANYMORE." 01:29 GA: "im sorry for ruining the fun, lily, and making you angry and repeat yourself like that balish guy. you can always prank me." 01:29 GA: "lets go down." 01:29 GA: She holds out her arms for like a huglift, next stop, not being mad? 01:31 GT: Lily seems somewhat distracted, though. "Like...like who?" she says dazedly. 01:32 GA: "oh. you know, the purple guy that libby liked. he repeated himself a lot when he was mad. like that time with the piss prank..." 01:33 GT: "No, no no no no no no FUCK." She takes a reflexive step backwards. "FUCK." 01:34 GA: "whoa, calm down here lily. remember, the people who freak out always die or whatever." 01:34 GA: "at the very least, they do things they regret and end up having to go on journeys to fix them." 01:36 GT: "No, fuck, you don't GET IT, DON'T FFFFUCK no no no no no..." Sheeee's losing it pretty quickly. "No no no no no no deep breaths deep breaths can't fucking FUCK deep breaths..." 01:37 GA: "goddamnit why does this always happen" 01:37 GA: She splashes Lily with a water bottle. "shut up, lils. things are okay." 01:41 GT: She raises her hands up instinctively to block the water, then lowers them again quickly. She looks at Doir, then starts rapidly retreating. "N-no. No, stay away, stay AWAY FROM ME!" She's getting awfully close to the edge awful fast. 01:41 GA: "oh my god you dumbass youre going to fall off" 01:41 GA: "seriously like youre smarter than this cmon" 01:42 GA: "i dunno if youre freakin out cause you think youre gonna go insane like balish with his weird clown alternate self, but im immortal anyway. so like. stab me all you want, mothertrucker." 01:47 GT: "YEAH, I'M P-PRETTY MOTHERFUCKING SCARED," she screams. "SCARED THAT I'M GONNA - THAT I'M GONNA KILL YOU ALL, FUCKING KILL YOU *ALL*, OR *WORSE* BECAUSE HE DOES THAT, DAD. HE FUCKING DOES THAT. AND WHAT IF - " She chokes. "What if I would too?" 01:49 GT: She sits down heavily. "I m-mean, I'm already a pretty terrible person. Playing pranks on my f-friends, getting my siblings drunk cause I think it's just the funniest thing since fucking lolcats..." 01:49 GA: "oh my gosh, lil-bit." Dina walks over and sits next to her, putting a hand on her shoulder. "i feel you." 01:50 GA: "did i ever tell you about the time i set sami on fire and nearly betrayed all of everyone for the lulz too" 01:51 GA: "i probably did, i like bragging. but i pulled through. you can too." 01:52 GT: She giggles wetly. "Th-that's pretty fucking shitty, yeah." 01:52 GT: "Guess having little to no regard for others runs in the family, huh?" 01:54 GA: "mhm. but dont worry lils. we're not just the comedic sociopath hero, or the token evil teammate or whatever. cause sometimes we dont pull the whole prank, and stop halfway through when we realize we're doing something terrible." 01:55 GA: "maybe one day we'll move up from chaotic neutral to chaotic good." 01:55 GT: "You fucking bet your ass we will," she says, grinning. Then it quickly slides into a frown. "Starting now." 01:56 GA: "heh-burp. okay, how many flowers you got. ive got a few. we need to leave sami a bunch so she knows we mean well." 01:56 GA: "and after we can high five and pledge to be the good guys." 01:56 GT: "No, no, I mean...something more than that." 01:57 GA: "what, you wanna pull a heel-face turn altogether?" 01:57 GT: "OK, so, you have to promise not to freak out. Like, super duper promise." 01:57 GA: "i think ive established myself to be pretty chill tonight, lils." 01:58 GA: "well, pretty warm actually, quite warm. its hot. but you know what i mean." 01:58 GT: "...I talked to Jack." 01:58 GA: "cool, whatd you say" 01:58 GA: "whatd he say?" 01:59 GT: "Basically we have a deal set up where I take pics of Acey's butt and then we have sex? He kind of won me over when he told me he was gonna terrorize Merrow with 'em." 01:59 GA: "wh" 08:48 GA: "okay, no, lily. like. first of all, you understand i had a dalliance with him, right? like you get that if you fuck him, youd basically be indirectly fucking me?" 08:49 GA: "secondly, thats not even how you have sex, dude. you dont barter for sex, you just ask and its like yea or nah." 08:49 GA: "and- and thirdly, hes manipulating you! he thinks that because youre a mavico you suffer from the same stupidity, gullibility, and immorality that allowed him to use me to fuck my friends over!" 08:49 GA: "and come on, lily! hes not good enough for you! you could do way better than him, he's just in it for his agenda. once he's done with you, he'll steal your memories and cut you up and throw the itty bitty pieces off a cliff. hes the big bad, thats how he rolls. also, like, what about sorser???" 08:50 GT: She raises an eyebrow. "Are you done yet?" 08:50 GA: "no! maybe." 08:51 GT: "First of all, thanks for the mental image." 08:51 GA: "welcome" 08:52 GT: "Second of all, I just had the sex talk like 2 days before entering the game. My lady bits have never been touched by anyone but myself. I have no fucking CLUE how sex works." 08:52 GA: "hey, i never even got the sex talk. i just got the demonic possession talk." 08:53 GT: "Thirdly, yeah, I kind of figured that out, but like hell I'm passing up an opportunity to horrify Merrow some more. And, like, they're pictures of her butt. What devious plan is he going to carry out with pictures of her butt?" 08:53 GA: "its not the butt! its that you think he isnt doing anything devious! hes getting all up ins your mind, lils." 08:54 GT: "And fourthly." She leans over and grabs his collar, staring directly into his eyes. "Don't you EVER fucking suggest that Sorser doesn't mean the fucking world to me." 08:54 GA: "youre gonna have sex with jack!" 08:54 GT: "He's hot. I'm 18. Sorser is a fucking land away and probably sexing up his mom as we speak." 08:55 GA: "you could be sexing much better people!" 08:55 GA: "what if he kills you??" 08:56 GT: "Then he kills me! I'm not afraid of death! Besides, if I go missing, then maybe it'll alert the rest of the crew exactly how fucking insane he is." 08:56 GT: She leans back, amused. "Also, I'm interested to see who you define as 'better people'. Give me suggestions." 08:57 GA: "idk, literally anybody except me and other twinks" 08:57 GA: "you could fuck sami for all i care dude just not him. not jack." 08:57 GA: "this is a mavico thing to do, lils. a stupid, reckless, completely inane thing." 08:58 GT: "And since when did that become a bad thing? To be a Mavico?" 08:59 GA: "ive made a terrible reputation for us! we shouldnt be doing what other people think mavicos do, we should be doing whats right!" 09:00 GA: "also, im like, literally! the stupidest person in existence! what could mavico even mean besides that?" 09:00 GA: "anyone whos even been in contact with my genes is stupider in some way." 09:02 GT: "I dunno about you, but what I learned from my Dad is that being a Mavico means a hell of a lot of things. It means not taking no for an answer. It means treating every idea as valid because there's always more than one solution and there's always room for improvement." She stands. "It does NOT mean stupid, or a joke, or worthless." She pauses. "Not unless you believe it does." 09:03 GA: "okay that was pretty fuckin poetic" 09:04 GA: "so like, points there. but fucking jack is, like, what the hell, hero?!" 09:06 GT: "I'm fucking Jack because I don't have anything left to live for," she says flatly. "You guys are gonna sit there and have Vietnam flashbacks forever, my teammates aren't gonna give a flying fuck about a final boss from the last game, especially not after he's buttered them up, and I'm a fucking ticking time bomb waiting to go off. I figure I'm either gonna off myself before it's too late or I'm gonna go out fighting and maybe get some info for the team in the process." 09:11 GA: Dina silently thinks for a minute, and then shrugs. "yeah, i guess us vets have been freaking out pretty bad, and your situation is pretty shitty. not like, our faults, i think half of us might have ptsd, but i feel ya here, dude, and screw what i said, youre right. you and erisio and the few friends i got left are all *ive* got to live for, but i gotta respect a heroic sacrifice and i also gotta lay down the honorable mention for giving up." 09:12 GA: "you can do whatever, just use protection so jack doesnt give you weird alien stds." 09:13 GT: Lily looks mildly shocked, but recovers quickly. She grins faintly and shoulderbumps him. "I ain't a fool; I'll wrap his tool." 09:13 GT: "Also, you're a pretty cool dad." 09:14 GA: "yeah im pretty good at the whole 'realizing youre wrong and apologizing' thing by now. not a lot of dads, or people in general, got that down." 09:14 GA: "life lesson: do that thing." 09:14 GA: "you think sami heard all of that?" 09:15 GT: "Dunno if she'd think to pretend to be asleep or not." She turns around. "Psst. Sami. Get up." 09:15 GT: "Get uppppppp Sami come onnnnnn." 09:16 GA: "heheh, nah, let her sleep. she needs her rest." 09:16 GA: Dina pops out the sharpie and starts writing another letter next to the old one. 09:17 GA: "addendum: character development happened on this roof that you missed. you should have been there lmao. also sorry if we woke you and youre still pretending to just be asleep? anyway rest well." 09:17 GT: "Gimme that." 09:17 GA: "see you later... alligator... ok here." 09:19 GT: She scribbles a hasty postscript: "PS: If you are awake and tell ANYONE about the stuff you heard, you're dead." 09:20 GA: Dina takes out another and writes "pss: that was lily for that ps im totally up for like whatever yknow tell your friends i dont care" 09:20 GT: "DUDE." 09:21 GA: "what? i was a good dad today, id like to get word around." 09:21 GA: "just networking, lils." 09:21 GA: "psss: okay no nvm you can say the parts about me being a good dad not the parts that lily said bye for real" 09:21 GT: "Better." 09:22 GA: "shes gonna be so confused when she wakes up" 09:22 GA: "or stops pretending to be asleep" 09:23 GA: "i mean tbh if i were her id still be pretending so that i could hear what people say about me when they think im not there" 09:23 GA: "sami is a nice person and i like her! heheh, looks like its paying off for her already." 09:23 GT: "She is kind of a badass though, you gotta admit. Also super caring." She raises her arms. "OK, fly me down. I need like another 5 Pangalactawhatsits." 09:24 GA: "bet i can drink more than you." 09:24 GA: Dina picks her up again and glides down. 09:24 GT: "You're on."